Create In Me a Pure Heart

A few weeks ago my daughter was about to embark upon a new journey working with special needs kids at a local organization. Now, this was one of the first opportunities she would have in order to exercise some of the skills she’s been training for at school. Although her assignment had not been clearly outlined, she had a general idea of who she’d be working with and what would be expected. She knew they’d be teens who were on the “spectrum” and needed support in and around social settings. She began to explore various types of spectrum disorders in her free time, and invited me to sit down and watch a documentary about teens with Tourette’s Syndrome, which in short is a nervous system disorder that causes people (typically children and teens) to make sudden impulsive movements, sounds, or utterances that are next to impossible to contain.

  The documentary follows 5 teens with Tourette’s to a summer camp where they are freed from the angst and stigma that follows them (and their families) wherever they go in normal daily life. The idea is that this is the one place, where their often obscene and derogatory remarks will not be taken with offense, as it is usually received in a typical community. Instead, at this camp, their outbursts will be overlooked by the staff and the attendees who are trained (or have suffered from the condition themselves) and understand the dynamics of the challenges they face. I must say, this film (and the language in it) is not for the faint of heart, but after just a few minutes of watching I began to think, “ what if my filter was turned off for just a day, what might my utterances sound like to unsuspecting ears, and how might I offend the community at large unawares of my condition and do I even know (just as these children do not) what my own mind and mouth are capable of conjuring up. The one thing that got me most, was when one of the kids shared, she never knew what she might say until it was already out of her mouth.

 So now, getting back to the point, what is this thing inside of us that does not naturally utter words that bless and uphold life, but instead are so inclined to tear down and defame? Clearly, this is a rhetorical question regarding sin, but the deeper question for me is the one that deals with the quality of my heart’s condition that is revealed in the words of my tongue. In scripture, we are called to humbly submit ourselves before the Lord just as King David so ardently acknowledges in Psalm 139:1 and in that, the Lord has already searched David’s heart and knows him. And later in verse 4, he acknowledges that even before a word is on his tongue, the Lord already knows it. These are the daunting realities that remind me of God’s omniscient quality which does not check itself at the door of our hearts or make itself deaf when we speak carelessly. I do not believe God censors or excuses us for fear of knowing something about us that would dampen His opinion toward us.

  It has, therefore, become my prayer, that the Lord would create in me a clean heart, one that does not require censorship before him, but one that would naturally be inclined to bless him with my words.I pray that he would search me out, and expose to me the true nature of my infirmity but not with holding of the heart cure that only he possesses to save.