Determined to Grow in Faith and Trust

So often, I have witnessed the extraordinary faith of the members of my church communities, including all of you at Cornerstone Church. When my personal faith in the Lord was not as strong as it currently is, I was confused by why I did not experience the same peace that others enjoy. As I have matured in my Christianity, I have grown in my understanding that faith in our Heavenly Father is a determined choice that we must make and then launch strides to grow closer to Him. As we dedicate ourselves to reading God’s Word, worshiping Him, and praying to Him, our faith and trust are cultivated as our understanding, knowledge, and love for Him grow.

I do see how God used the pain in my life to grow my faith in Him. More than two decades ago, I was brokenhearted when I learned that the judge in my son’s child custody case had decided to award physical custody to my soon-to-be ex-husband because, unlike me, he had family nearby to help him in raising Zach. I also believe that God allowed this to happen because the unforgiveness in my heart would have made me a cranky and controlling parent with custody. 

 After a year of enduring this pain, I spent an evening considering whether I should find a new job, sell my home, move near my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and seek to collaborate with him in raising our son. I made two lists on my computer. The column listing all the reasons to stay was lengthy and the column listing the reasons to leave had only one word—my son’s first name. As I reviewed my lists, I knew instantly that my greatest desire was my precious son. All those things that had become essential to me—my work, home, friends, and independence—were not as critically important to me as being my son’s mother.

At that moment, I did what I had never done before. I got on my knees and prayed, and I made the decision to trust that God would create a pathway to my son. I prayed, “God I have no idea how to find a new job and sell this house. But I know that you do not want me here. So, I ask you to work a miracle and make it happen.” 

 Two months later, God worked His miracle. I got a call from the supervisor of my company’s Government Affairs office. Their analyst was leaving, and he asked me to consider applying for the job. Many talented individuals applied for this job, but I was offered it. After praying for the right words, I approached my son’s father with a humble heart, told him about my new job, and begged to be able to join with him in raising our son. In response, he replied, “That’s all I ever wanted.” Throughout Zach’s youth, we were effective in collaborating in raising our son in two faithful Christian homes. 

 The insights that the Apostle John shared in 1 John 5:14 in his pastoral letter to several Gentile congregations and to believers everywhere demonstrates that our growth in our faithful maturity will evolve our thinking and grow our trust in Him.

 "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And, if we know that He hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him." 

 The emphasis here is on God’s will, not our will. When we communicate with God, we do not demand what we want. Rather, we discuss with Him what He wants for us. If we align our prayers to His will, He will listen. We can be certain that if He listens, He will give us a definite answer. We should pray with confidence in Him and trust in His tender mercy for us. 

 Although I am certain that we must make the choice to take the strides to grow in our faith, Ephesians 2:8 - 9 confirms that we should credit our faith to God’s grace.  

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast." 

 I encourage you to strive to know God. Afterall, He is your Heavenly Father. As you grow in your knowledge of Him, you also will grow in faith and trust in Him. 

Dear Heavenly Father, I praise you and worship you, and pray that you grow my faith and trust in You. I am determined to cultivate my knowledge of You by being in Your Word. Please help me to hear Your voice and to retain and be obedient to Your guidance. Amen!

Our Heavenly Father Renews Our Strength

Throughout my chaotic career, I have felt overwhelmed. I never did like the word mediocre, and I never wanted it to be said about me. There have been many occasions on which I have gotten only one hour of sleep in order to complete my professional assignments. Currently, although I work many weekends and some evenings, I still cut my sleep short now and then to get my work done. I have had opportunities during this chaotic career to serve our Heavenly Father. I find it emblematic of Satan’s tendency to use the pain in our life as a barrier to us serving our Heavenly Father that heavy workload has forced me to give up writing feature stories for my church newsletters at both Hershey Evangelical Free Church and Cornerstone. When I made the transition to my current job, the stress of the position at one point motivated me to consider giving up my service to our Heavenly Father. Fortunately, when I asked my supervisor if I should give up my volunteer efforts to get my work done, she responded, “No!”

I considered her response a sign that I needed to wake up and see God’s glory.

Currently in my lifetime, I am determined not only to work hard for my employer but also to serve our Heavenly Father in as many ways as I am able. Now, because my focus is on Him, our Heavenly Father is renewing my strength, helping me to find joy in my lifetime, and motivating me, despite the stress, never to give up my time in His Word, on my knees praying to Him, or serving Cornerstone. God’s Word has taught me that I need to renew my strength and find pleasure in the chaos of my career by being joyful and placing my hope in Him.

The following verses confirm that our weary soul is renewed when we hope in the Lord.

Isaiah 40: 29-31

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Psalm 103: 2-5 

Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

When I spend time praising Him during my prayers and hearing Him by spending time in His Word, God does remind me that He is sovereign, and He does renew me. My focus on Him and my confidence in Him turns my tendency of getting stressed out to being joyful and confident that He will help me get it all done.

I find it interesting how David’s thoughts evolve in Psalm 13. He starts out suggesting that God has forgotten him and focusing on his pain in verses 1 and 2. Then in verses 5 and 6, after praying that God gives light to his eyes, he focuses on the fact that he trusts in God’s unfailing love and notes that his heart rejoices in God’s salvation.

Psalm 13: 5-6 

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me.

To that I say, “Amen!” God has also transitioning my thoughts from being stressed in my life and constantly posing the question, “Why?” to being grateful that He has chosen to transform me. Thank you, God! So glad that my focus is now on you and that you have inspired me to trust in your unfailing love and to rejoice in your salvation even during the chaos of my life.

Dear Lord, thank you for changing my tendency to be in pain and to be a roadblock for your renewal of me. When I focus on you throughout my day, my days become joyful, even when there is chaos present. Thank you for renewing me! Amen

Praise Him Anyway!

Keeping a good attitude has been a struggle lately. More often than not I'm feeling dissatisfied, frustrated and even downright angry at my circumstances. Life isn't fair!

I've been reading through the Psalms in the morning before I head to work. Sometimes the laments validate my bad mood, but they always end in praise even when my thoughts don't. David often reminds us to sing and shout for joy! But what about if I'm not feeling it? What about when I'm in the middle of hard and terrible things?

David set an example - he faced a lot of serious challenges. Friends turning against him. Temptations stronger than his resistance. Rebellious children. Death of a son. Strained relationships. Whatever it was he faced he acknowledged the difficulty, and simultaneously, he praised God's character: mighty and powerful, all-knowing, tender, just, loving and kind, righteous, and infinitely faithful.

It's what I'm called to do too, if I am to be a woman after God's own heart. His character does not depend on my ever changing circumstances, and in fact His praise will sound louder to the world around me when it's in the midst of hard times. He is always good, no matter what.

I encourage you to praise Him anyway on your difficult days. Read the Psalms. Think about God's never changing characteristics. Turn that praise music up! There's nothing better to lift your mood.

"I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul will make its boast on the Lord; The humble will hear it and rejoice. O magnify the Lord with me, And let us exalt His name together!" Psalm 34:1

In Desperate Need

I am in desperate need of a snuggle and a sleep-over with my granddaughter.

I am in desperate need of a good cry, the kind that leaves me not empty but cleansed.

 I am in desperate need of a Sunday family dinner, with ALL the seats filled.

I am in desperate need of connection.

I am in desperate need of forgiveness.

I am in desperate need of…

In this current situation of isolation and limitation, there are so many things I can think of to add to this small-scale list. Things that are real, heart-hurting needs and even the paltry me-focused needs of wanting to be pampered and preened over.

The Random Unabridged Dictionary defines the word “desperate” as feeling, showing, or involving a hopeless sense that a situation is so bad as to be impossible to deal with.

Right now in this suspended life, these needs seem pressing and at times smothering and maybe even desperate. That is my humanness in a season of limits, and in a season of lack of control over events and circumstances. My own strength cannot handle my needs, small and large.

My greatest and all encompassing, desperate need is that of a Savior.

These needs, listed above, are temporal. Fleeting. Transitory. My truest deepest need is surrender to a God who will meet ALL my needs. I do not have the power to overcome on my own, nor will I ever conquer this need and hold it at bay. “For I know that nothing good lives in me. I want to what is right but fail so miserably.” Romans 7:18. I want do those things that are right and good and pure. I want to have hope, and share it with others. I desperately want to be the woman, the wife, the daughter, the Mama, the Nona, the Mother in Law, the friend that I was created to be. I struggle when I fail, fall short, see only my own needs instead of those around me. Focus on comforting myself. I struggle, I stumble. I so often carry the weight on my own.

I try. I bargain. I do-over. I am desperate.

But, ahhhh sweet Jesus there is hope in my desperation. There is no other God besides Me, A righteous God and a Savior; There is none except Me.“Turn to Me and be saved, all the ends of the earth; For I am God, and there is no other,” says the Lord of All. Isaiah 45:21b-22. 

How could it be this simple, and yet so hard, to surrender my desperation to Him. In the never ending yearning. The struggle we feel to have and do and be. To accomplish. To perfect. The age-long desires and the uncountable numbers of failures of doing it all on your own. Our struggles are not unique, they are present in every woman. They were present before the epidemic, and they will be present when this time of travail is locked in historic annals.

I look to those who were long ago God’s chosen people. They struggled and faltered. The sinned in their lack of trust and lack of faithfulness. The turned their back on God, even though He had been ever faithful and ever forgiving. My struggles, it seems, are not uncommon to woman [man].

Say, therefore, to the sons of Israel, ‘I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the desperate burdens you carry, and I will deliver you from bondage. I will also redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great judgments. Then I will take you for My people, and I will be your God; and you shall know that I am the Lord your God, who brought you out from under the desperate burdens. Exodus 6:6-7. 

And so, in my present desperation, in my future desperation I will call on the Lord God who is the only one who can meet me in my despair. In my fear. In my uncertainty. In the insecurity of the present day. In the unknown of decades into the future. I will trust in you Lord God. I will trust in you. Again, and again, and yet again. I will call for I am in desperate need of ALL of you Lord God.

The Opposition of Fear is...

With all that is going on around us, it’s a daily battle to not give in to fear or despair; so many headlines, so many changing circumstances, so many unknowns. I know I am grateful for the online Bible teaching and the ability to still hear from our pastors and congregation during this time of social isolation. We are told to increase and display our faith and yes, for such a time as this, that is true.

I read something the other day however that stood out to me as perhaps a missing piece of what we will need to stand, yes, even to grow spiritually during such times as this.

It is Love.

 Ok, if I have not lost you yet, let me explain.

I happened to read Jude 20-21, Amplified Bible: “But you, beloved, build yourselves up [founded] on your most holy faith [make progress, rise like an edifice higher and higher], praying in the Holy Spirit; Guard and keep yourselves in the love of God; expect and patiently wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah) -[which will bring you] unto life eternal.”

Now we know we need to guard a good bit in our faith. Proverbs 4:23 says to “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” We are to be on guard against our adversary the devil (1 Peter 5:8). We are to be on guard against pride that makes us susceptible to temptation (1 Corinthians 10:12). But Guard and keep myself in the love of Christ?

One of the first examples of this that comes to mind, and is appropriate in so many ways for today, is the story of the disciples in the boat..in a storm...with Jesus..who is sleeping. The storm is raging, the boat is sinking and the Lord is asleep while they are bailing the water and shouting in fear. Finally they approach the Lord and the first thing they ask is, “Master, don’t you care that we are perishing?” And as we know, Jesus rebuked the winds and the waves and then rebuked the disciples for their “little” faith.

Now the disciples knew to get to Jesus as the storm became too great to handle, so they had the faith that He could save them. I am suggesting that Jesus’ rebuke was directly to the question they asked: faith (confidence) in His love for them.

Here, I raise my hand, guilty as charged. How quickly in my intense storms that my faith in His power weakens to the point that I am questioning His love for me more than I question His power over the storm. Here are the thought patterns I am sure you can recognize:

I am with Jesus in the boat, what a great day.

He falls asleep but He is with me.

There is a storm ahead, but that’s ok because I have Jesus with me.

Wow..this storm is a bad one. I am sure Jesus will wake up soon and take care of it.

Right, Jesus?

Jesus, this storm is SO BAD. Why won’t you wake up and do something about it?

Jesus, if you cared, you would wake up and still it.

Jesus, you must not care.

See, I go from faith in His power to lack of faith in His love. And here is where being grounded in God’s love is the antidote to fear.

1 John 4:18 says that “full-grown, (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror!” While the immediate context is of no fear of judgement from God, how applicable this is to us in times of storm! Psalm 131:2 speaks of being like a weaned child, resting with his mother rather than fretting because the child is now no longer in constant need of milk.

I am always humbled by Paul’s great prayer in Ephesians 3: 18-19: “That you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God’s devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breadth, and the length and height and depth [of it]; [That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience].

Yes, I need to “guard and keep myself in the love of God”. In my storms, when Jesus is there with me but not “doing anything”. The cross of the Lord is the ultimate reminder that He who endured my sin will be with me in the times of trial and testing I endure.

Lord I humbly bow at your feet and say Forgive me where my faith focuses on the storm and not on Your love. Keep me and your church filled with this knowledge that surpasses understanding so that we may be so confident of your love that our prayers stay motivated by that instead of fear.

Thank you for loving me, Lord.

No Match For Our God

“So the LORD our God gave into our hand Og also, the king of Bashan, … All these were cities fortified with high walls, gates, and bars …” Deut. 3:3-5 

“…with his own presence, by his great power, driving out before you nations greater and mightier than yourselves…” Deut. 4:37-38

 “When the LORD your God brings you into the land … and clears away many nations before you …nations more numerous and mightier than yourselves …” Deut. 7:1

 “Hear, O Israel: you are to cross over the Jordan today, to go in to disposses nations greater and mightier than yourselves, cities great and fortified up to heaven, a people great and tall, the sons of Anakim … Know therefore today that he who goes over before you as a consuming fire is the LORD your God. He will destroy them and subdue them before you.” Deut. 9:1-3

 Do you see the emphasis in these passages? Moses reminded the Israelites time and again, that it was only God’s mighty hand that gave and would continue to give them the victory over nations that were mightier, more powerful and more numerous than they. They were able to defeat peoples in heavily fortified cities with walls “up to heaven” and even nations inhabited by giants, purely because of their God. Moses was relentless in reminding Israel of the marvelous deeds the LORD had already performed on their behalf, against insurmountable odds, in conquering nations for His people on the east side of the Jordan.

Surely they would be encouraged by the power and faithfulness of God to step out in faith and obedience to take possession of the inheritance He had promised on the west side of the Jordan. What an amazing time in Israel’s history! God Almighty had enabled this fledgling nation to do what was against all odds. Through Jehovah’s power and strength, Israel was doing what would have been inconceivable on their own. They were weaker, less numerous, less skilled than their foes and, as desert nomads, they were certainly not afforded the protection of fortified cities…some of which were inhabited by giants! All put together, the odds for Israel to experience any kind of victory against these pagan nations was clearly stacked against them.

 But the nation of Israel had something no other nation had…more accurately, they had SOMEONE. The LORD God Almighty, the Lord of hosts, was on their side … and that made ALL the difference! As the LORD God promised to go before them and battle on their behalf, victory was certain. The so-called “human advantages” which their enemies seemed to possess, such as military skill, army size, fortified cities or even giants, were no match for the power, presence and greatness of Israel’s God. Despite the fear, insecurity, anxiety and uncertainties that the people surely must have wrestled with, Israel’s part was simply to remember who their God was, believe in His promises, step out in faith and obedience and continue to walk in trust as they conquered nations and took possession of the land.

 Much like Israel before crossing the Jordan, aren’t we all facing unprecedented challenges these days with the worldwide spread of the COVID-19 pandemic? Doesn’t it sometimes seem like the odds are now stacked against us? How many are feeling overwhelmed, anxious and struggling with the reality of job loss, the stock-market plunge, local business shut-downs and unavailability of essential goods? Who isn’t tempted with the fear of contracting the virus or who isn’t affected by the stress of social distancing and isolation from family, loved ones and friends? Don’t our circumstances sometimes seem insurmountable … greater and more numerous than anything we’ve ever faced before? It’s easy to feel the dread of defeat when we consider the frailty of our own human efforts and ingenuity against such “giants” as this spreading pandemic, unprecedented economic plunge, sky-rocketing unemployment, and basic shut-down of society as we’ve come to enjoy. This is exactly where the Israelites were as they realized they were no match against their enemies with their giants, fortified cities and vast armies before them.

 So what was the answer? How would their leader encourage and strengthen their hearts to face what was ahead? Moses knew that their ONLY hope would be the LORD. These continual reminders pointing Israel to the greatness, power and faithfulness of their God were crucial given the challenges ahead. Moses did not waste time trying to pump up their egos by pointing to any skills they might possess, asking them to reach deep into their inner resources of wisdom and grit or any other useless human effort. Over and over, Moses reminded the people of their God…His power, His ability to give them the land, His mighty hand, His presence, His creative battle strategies and His divine interventions that would make a way for them. The obstacles the nation faced were real … they were daunting, even fearing for their own lives. But none of these challenges were a problem for their God!

 So it is with us in this pandemic. We all desperately need the Lord!! We will not make it without Him. We all need to be faithful in continually pointing each other to the greatness, the ability, the creative genius of our God and His divine enablement to do the impossible on our behalf in these unprecedented times. The odds may seem stacked against us and the giants are real but they are no match for the LORD Almighty!! In the same way that the Lord went before Israel in the conquest of the promised land, He goes before each of us today … and tomorrow, and the next day. His power and ability to do the impossible and to make a way where there seems to be no way has not changed one iota! And just like Israel, we need to remember who our God is, to believe in His promises, step out in faith and obedience and continue to walk in trust as we face the obstacles before us. This pandemic and all that it brings is no match for our God!

Building Faith in Challenging Times

Given the way that our Heavenly Father has used the pain in my lifetime to transform me and build my faith in Him, I am confident that He will use this challenging time in the history of our world to draw us closer to Him. Reading the guidance that God offers us in 1 Peter 1:6-9, I know that, during the threat of COVID-19, I will continue to rejoice in God and my faith in Him will grow even stronger.

1 Peter 1:6-9 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 

 I remind you of Moses’ guidance to the Israelites when they were enduring pain as they were pursued by the Egyptians on the way to the Promised Land. As the Pharaoh and Egyptians marched toward them, the Israelites cried to Moses, “Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert.”

 Exodus 14:13-14 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” 

 As I read the Israelites frenzy, I am reminded how prone we humans are to not trust in the Lord in stressful times. We see evidence of how God will protect us as He protected them, parting the Red Sea and saving the Israelites from the hands of the Egyptians. In response, Exodus 14:31 confirmed that the Israelites responded by fearing the Lord and put their trust in Him.

 Jeremiah offers an excellent encouragement for us to trust in Him. 

Jeremiah 17:7 “But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him.” 

 My trials have grown my faith in the Lord. I trust in Him to protect all of those who I love, and I will be dedicated to praying for the health and well-being of the people of our world and especially for my sweet family in life, at Cornerstone, in DivorceCare, and at Lafayette. While that protection may not keep everyone on this planet, I pray that it will take those we lose to Heaven to worship God and that someday I will be forgiven by the Lord for my sinfulness and will join them there.

 COVID-19 has isolated many of us from our dear friends. I want to close this post by encouraging all of you to remember that even though we are alone, we are NOT alone. God is with us! That is confirmed by Him in many locations in the Bible.

 Dear Heavenly Father. I plead with you to protect those I love from this devastating health crisis that has overwhelmed our planet. I trust in you and have faith that you will protect us during this devastating time. Amen.

 P.S. A great theme song for this trying time is Steven Curtis Chapman’s tune This Day, which can be found at this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnlzUSP0w_c Just press “Skip Ads” and you can hear it right away!

Seasons

Admittedly, I do not like change. And, if I were to be really honest, I dislike change so much that even when it is a change that is good and positive and exciting I approach it with trepidation. I do not even like the change of seasons, though I relish those things each Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring. Bikini weather, apple picking, snowflakes, and tulips.

Many things have been changing these last months, and will be changing even more in the coming weeks. Some very sad and some highly anticipated with the joy they will bring.

God says there will be seasons, not just the earthly changes to the landscape, but there is a time and place for everything in our lives. The details. The newness, and the old passing away.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 speaks to this:

To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Yet, my spirit still battles with this. My humanness falters, struggles, tears leak from my eyes.

Just days ago an acquaintance reached her arms to wrap around me, her words, “I am so sorry for the loss of your dear, sweet Grandmother.” Her words were apropos, as my Gran did go to be with Jesus on August 3.

I am still not comfortable with this reality. I dislike the change. Yesterday, I looked at a piece of jewelry she had given me when I was quite young, and it hit me like a shocking slap across the face that indeed she was no longer on this earth. I could not talk to her. I could not hear her say to me, “I love you. More.

An unwelcome season.

But.

God says “there will be a time to be born and a time to die.”

The words of my acquaintance came flitting through my mind, “ I am sorry you lost your Grandmother.”

I breathed in. Tears afresh again.

I did not lose my Gran. I know EXACTLY where she is. I know she stood by Jesus and was welcomed home by him with open arms. I imagined that my Grandpa was standing near to those incredible gates of heaven when she entered in.

With that, I thought of nearly an hour after she had stepped beyond the veil, she stood with the Savior of All Humanity and watched as her great-grandson’s reaction to her death played out. He bowed his head, joined by me, and his wife and their precious little girl and gave thanks for his Gran’s life and all that she had taught our family.

So while I still do not easily embrace change, I know that it is all, every last detail, in God’s hands, in God’s providence for my good. And, I am comforted that God will, in fact, work all things - change included - for my good. Just as in the passing of my Gran my family, generations, were brought to their knees in prayer.

What Are You Waiting For?

When I was younger, I waited impatiently to be old enough. To be old enough to get my ears pierced, go out with friends on my own, drive myself wherever I needed to go, eat whatever dessert I wanted, get married, have kids. Often, instead of living in the moment and being grateful for what I had, I was looking for the next (better) thing. As I got older, there were things I wanted so badly I couldn’t wait. So I made a way to have them.
Over the past few years, my health took a downward turn. Since I’d been healthy my whole life, exercising, eating well, working hard, this felt really difficult. Too hard to handle. It was something I couldn’t control, no matter what I tried. As I waited and prayed to be well I found impatience with God grew. Though I read that I should “consider it all joy when [I] encounter various trials...so that [I] may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing” (James 1:2-4), it was so hard to find joy. My trust became less as I worked harder to control my life. In spite of how hard I worked to get healthy again on my own, no matter how many doctors I went to see or medications I tried, things continued to worsen. It wasn’t until I came to a place of desperation and had no other options to try that things began to turn around for me as I found unconventional answers. I can only attribute this to God leading me to them. I’m so thankful today that I can say many of my symptoms are controlled and no longer completely define my life! I learned through that time that while I was waiting on God, he was waiting for me. Waiting for me to trust Him. To give Him back the control. To be grateful in everything. To find joy in suffering.

Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you; and therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. - Isaiah 30:18

Bob Sorge, pastor and author of Secrets of the Secret Place, writes of this passage “When it says, “The Lord will wait,” it doesn’t mean that God is waiting for you to do something; it means that God is strategically delaying His miraculous visitation because He has greater things in store for you then you’ve even asked for. But to give you the fullness of what he has planned for your life, He will use the season of waiting to prepare you as a vessel, and also prepare circumstances around your life so that you will be able to step forward into the proper sphere when His release comes to you. He's waiting so that He can crown you with an even greater blessing.” (p. 130) I used to think that God gives us good things we’ve been waiting and praying for when we least expect it. Now I understand that we least expect it because it comes when we’ve finally given up trying to control it and so we don’t think it will happen. God gives us good things we’ve been waiting and praying for when we’ve given him back control. When we’re in the place of desperation, that’s when our Good Father steps in and gives us gifts that bring great joy. What you’re waiting for might not happen in your time or according to your plan, but God will always mean it for your good and His glory.

Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord!

- Psalm 27:14