Silhouette

It was my first time in church. I had a wide brim black hat on, pulled low over my eyes to make it easier to avoid eye contact. I had a pink Chanel suit on, with black grosgrain bows at the wrists. My nails were lacquered to match my ensemble. My appearance was entirely intentional, I wanted to present myself in complete control and no worse for the weathering of my recent days.

Do you see the real me? Or, do you simply go by a silhouette of edges. Am I a composite of what you “assume” me to be? Made up of details that you judge from my surface.

Let me go back, this was nearly three decades ago. I was attending my best - since I was five - friend’s wedding. It was being held in the church where I was raised and had attended church twice a day on Sunday and nearly ever Wednesday. This church, and the people in it, had always been my safe haven. Until this day.

 I felt as a newly divorced, newly minted Single Mom that my faith, that my life would be judged as less than, as less spiritual or godly than it once had been.

 I had spent hours the night before crying because I was afraid of the whispers and the knowing looks that would come my way, since more than half of those in attendance that afternoon in June had probably all known me since about the time I had lost my first tooth.

 Instead of looking at this situation, which seemed so daunting to me, I should have looked at it as God commanded Samuel. But, the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not judge by his appearance…” (I Samuel 16:7a)

 I was totally living out of my flesh.

 I was hoping my appearance would make me worthy and acceptable. I was not relying on what God said about me, that I was so valuable that His son’s life was sacrificed for me. I was hoping that glamorizing my outside would make my trials and tribulations, my sins and my regrets overlooked, instead of living in the forgiveness and the cleansing Jesus’s stripes on his back and subsequent death had afforded me.

There it was clear as Caribbean water. Judging - and being judged - by appearances. PRIDE.

It was pride that led to my insecurity, it was pride that led to me wanting to appear something that in my heart I was not, it was pride that judged the people I would see before they judged me. Pride that leads us just to see a silhouette of someone else, or leads us to want to be seen as a silhouette of something we are not. It is pride that leads to misunderstanding. To wrong judgments. To discontent.

Pride leads to conflict, (Proverbs 13:10a) and that is entirely what is causing the unrest in a nation that once espoused that it was created under one God, our Lord Jesus Christ.

Pride looks at the differences in people. Pride looks only skin deep, and sometimes not even that far. Pride looks and judges. Saying, “I am better because I drive this car,” “I am better because I arrive at church on time,” “I am better because of the tone of my skin,” and “I know who you are because I can see you with my eyes and not with my heart.”

 All the conflicts that are raging in our country really are founded in pride. We are not looking at everyone around us with God’s eyes, and the truth is, The Lord does not see things the way we do. People judge by outward appearance, while the Lord looks at the heart. (I Samuel 16:7c).

Grace, humility, a lack of pride and judgmental ideals has to start in our heart, even before it starts in demonstrations and picket lines. Hearts have to change before any changes can be affected in our homes, in our towns, nationally, and globally. Change isn’t an outward thing - it is entirely a heart thing. Our hearts should be completely governed by God, and if they are, our actions will be a testament to His place in our lives.

If we are truly following the Lord, we know our steps are ordained, and that there are no accidents or coincidences that happen to each one of us, all the events in our lives God is working in. "And we know that for those who love God that he works all things together for the good of those who are called according to his purpose". (Romans 8:28) This has to be applied for us to navigate these uncertain times. While many of today’s events can be saddening, disturbing, and even frightening, God is at work. He has not left us.

 But, the choice in these uncertain days is entirely our own. Will we live in a way that God can work in our hearts and change them during this constantly fluctuating, uneasy time? Or will we succumb to pride, to fear, to anger…

In closing:

Dear Lord, Please clothe me in humility. Do not let my pride cause me to judge others. Give me your eyes to see those other than myself. And, Lord, break my heart for others as Your heart has been broken for me. 

 I pray these things in your Son Jesus’ name, ~ Amen